More test results! Day 79
Sep 25, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2h9C8rj96A

[Music]
good morning guys welcome to Monday
morning so well I clearly did not check
in before I went to counseling today
because it was pretty crazy
here to say the least but so Olli ended
up dropping me off at counseling and
then I and then he went to Costco see
need to grab a couple of items that we
forgot yesterday here that he forgot
yesterday so while he was there the
little babies
tucked their father into a toy so I'm
gonna show you what they got there's oh
my gosh look at these things hold on
it's this one and then it comes with
[Music]
jungle gym type thing and then Omar
where's your car
where's your car that daddy got you show
mommy car yeah show mommy your faster
car oh there's your faster car my truck
oh yeah look at that snazzy looking
thing
yeah daddy definitely did a good one
here so yeah so the kids got some toys
today they were quite excited when they
came to pick mommy up I'm quite happy
and excited to get home when they picked
me up this morning I was like yeah I
could definitely see this but anyways
so anyways I really hope you guys are
having a wonderful wonderful day today
starting a fresh new week I am feeling
so good I woke up feeling pretty icky
actually I have a tummy ache but it
disappeared thank goodness and so I'm
feeling much better and so I think I'm
gonna head out and make me some lunch
and see what the rest of the day holds
so anyways I'll check in move it so
clearly we are in the car we are going
to go to we have to run a couple errands
I gotta go to the run to the bank and
then we're gonna run to the vegetable
stand because we need to get zucchini
because we're going to have mocchi which
I will show you guys what it is and
explain what it is tonight when I'm
eating and plus I'm gonna have some lamb
chops on the side so or what is it
lamb legs I am legs
so anyways but I thought I would check
in really guys check in really guys
check in really quick if I can talk and
yes I do not have you guys mounted to my
tripod I walked out the house and forgot
it good times right yeah good evening
everybody
welcome to Monday evening yes we have
finally reached and I don't have no dead
battery Wow
today has been a good day I didn't vlog
very much though I'm really sorry you
guys today is gonna definitely be a
fairly short one because it was just
from counselling to I came home I've
been working on my breast cancer
awareness wreath I'm so excited it's
turning out so cute but in the mix of it
because I'm doing that I'm not vlogging
I'm not vlogging I haven't figured out
quite yet how to substitute the two of
them you know so I'm
missing out on one or the other but I
will have to say that I am so pleased
with the way that this wreath is turning
out it's it's amazing um second of all I
wanted to thank everybody for all your
outpouring comments and support from
today's vlog that I put out it can
sometimes be what do you want to say
sometimes be scary to put sometimes the
the full view of yourself in front of
people sometimes you don't know how it's
gonna be reacted is it gonna be oh my
god you're still you jor you know your
body shape is just kind of changing but
it's a little you know I'm just like I'm
so nervous like how are people gonna
take it how are people gonna react and
to hear such support and encouragement
and I guess you would say reassurance
that definitely what I am doing is
spot-on
and I feel like I really am doing what
I'm supposed to be doing even if that
means you know that I put on a little
bit of weight this week it probably was
Waterton retention being said I'm on two
different steroids and then you guys got
a call today and my urine test came back
they cultured it and it came back today
and I not only have all the rest of
stuff wrong with me but now they call me
and tell me today that I also have a UTI
so now I get to be put on more in my
topics and it's like so I really think
that that's why my body's just because I
have the feeling there's things shifting
around in my body if ya get what
mean if you didn't see where I was
pointing my boobies are hurting really
bad which means ovulating nothing
nothing don't get excited
and then on top of that fighting all
these infections and being on steroids
of two different kind and now I'm going
to be at adding in also a antibiotic
along with everything else that I'm
taking I just think my body is just like
Hello what's she doing up there so I
think we finally figured out probably
why I put on some weight because yeah I
just blew me out of the water that I put
five pounds on in two days I just
thought oh my god what did I eat what
did I do
I mean yeah I had a couple of chocolates
at one point but woof I didn't mean it
was that many so I don't know we'll see
we'll see how this coming week works I
mean I'm not holding my breath just
because now that we're finding out I
have another infection so I am really
keeping my fingers crossed that that no
matter what I'm gonna get good news
something something but we'll see we
will definitely see um let's see
counseling went amazing today I really
today was a really good day for me in my
counseling session I feel like I really
got on a different level I guess with my
counselor and and learning to
communicate my feelings questioning if
ia misunderstood something wrong can
sometimes be very hard for me because I
get nervous of somebody getting you know
upset with me or I'm letting somebody
down or I'm disappointing somebody so I
rather just not not have a reaction back
to something so that I'm not feathering
and fluttering up anybody's feathers and
so last week we had the conversation
you know just like where we're at where
we're wanting to go with our sessions
and you know you know and making sure
that we're on track where we're supposed
to be and while I'm talking I'm going to
take my mascara off you guys because I
need to do that I'm sitting here
excuse us Rach she's hungry and we're
trying to get done our time have not
quite eaten yet we're having what's
called mocchi it's in zucchini and it's
it's really good I don't know what's all
in it but it's really good and then he's
grilling up some lamb legs so she's
starving and we were trying to get
dinner done anyways but so last week
when we were talking you know she was
just like talking about you know making
sure that you know we're just you know
that we're staying on track and that you
know we're doing what we're supposed to
be doing and if at any point you know we
start noticing that you know we don't
have as much to talk about or anything
like that that you know clearly then
maybe I'm getting to a point where you
know life is in a better nodule and
maybe I'm not needing weekly sessions
like I have been because I've been doing
weekly sessions for the last year and a
half so you know it but I interpreted it
completely wrong I took it as like she
was saying that she doesn't feel like
I'm doing the work that I should be
doing and that I'm coming in for
chitchat sessions that's how I
interpreted it so when I left last week
I kind of just left I guess a little bit
down like you know a little bit sad
because I really thought that I was
making good improvement and I didn't
feel that I was treating my my therapy
session as a chitchat you know I mean we
talked yeah of course but that's what
you do but I I didn't interpret it that
that's what I was doing so I came home
that day and I talked to Holly and I was
just like you know honey of this as well
you know what said and I feel like you
know
I I don't know if I need to you know
email her and tell her that we'll go to
once our you know twice a month and he's
like Amy I think maybe you understood it
wrong I'm sure that's not what she meant
I don't foresee that you're anywhere
close to going only once or twice a
month you know you're making good
progress but I don't think you're at
that point yet and I'm just like you
have it you know the way that we were
talking and stuff so I you know I pretty
much kind of stood on it all week and so
today when I went in before we even
started session I was just like you know
I really want to talk about this first
just because I want to clarify if I was
taking the information correctly or
maybe I misunderstood and so I said you
know I talked to Holly about it and he
kind of explained to me the way that he
thinks that you meant it but you know as
much as I love hearing my husband's you
know opinion and you know his insight
because he always has great insight I
need to make sure that I'm hearing it
the right way and she's like no no no no
so I explained to her totally and she's
just like Oh Amy no you I'm so sorry you
took it that way and that's totally
maybe I you know I own for the fact that
maybe I didn't clarify myself right but
that's clearly not what I meant I was
saying when the time comes that you know
we start meeting and you know we're
talking about what dress you bought for
the weekend
and you know and things like that that
at that point clearly we're not really
getting into debt talking anymore maybe
life's going good so maybe we don't need
to meet once a week she's like but no
she's like I will tell you right now
I've seen so much right and you and I've
seen so much work in you and that made
me feel good because I was thinking oh
my god like did I fell out did I not do
what I was supposed to do and I just
definitely got nervous and so once we
talked about it and stuff I said thank
you so much for you know
knocking knocking upset with me and
she's like why would I get up said she's
like
I would rather you come to me and talk
to me and know that this is how you know
we're doing things and that way then you
know it's all understanding and I'm just
like I you know I I would love to have
that you know reassurance I said because
you know I've always been the type of
person that I will you know I will mold
to however somebody sees me need to be
versus be my own mold because I don't
want to you know I don't want to
disappoint or let down so sometimes I
get really nervous when I got to talk
about something with somebody because I
don't want to be you know a
disappointment or a problem because I'm
asking questions and you know and that's
just how I've always been I really have
always been that type of person where I
just kind of go with whatever the flow
is at that point I've never really you
know thought outside the box I never
really took my own opinion and thought
that it was worth enough to speak up and
say hey I think my opinions were
something and that's okay that's part of
warning where I'm at know from you know
I think because I really think where I
get that from is you know when being
moved from you know family to family
I had to mold myself to multiple
different people multiple different
families and you know I I clearly don't
think that people really realize how
hard it really is I think that they
think well it's you know it's family how
could it be not hard you know at least
they're not in the foster system and
which is clearly true I'm glad that I
was with family versus being in foster
care but it still was an adjustment
every single time so for me I just would
I would be quiet I would you know just
do as what the new family said and and
that that would go but I'm learning now
that you know if I don't understand
something or if I'm hot I'm sorry I'm
fighting with my bracelet if I don't
understand something or
if I think I interpreted something wrong
or something or I'm not quite
understanding exactly what the
conversation was about I'm starting to
get to the point where I feel better
speaking up and saying hey you know can
you explain this to me again or you know
maybe here my my my side see if I even
understood this correctly
and clearly because she heard my side we
totally got that she she didn't mean nor
did I interpret the right thing and
miscommunication happens a lot you know
it happens in a lot of conversations
it's how you handle it is how it's gonna
be taking you know taken and so I just
you know I was really happy that we were
able to reach that together and you know
and I felt confident that okay you know
this was safe
I was safe in that and you know and I
told her I said you know I think I even
used the word the wrong words when I was
communicating with you about saying that
I feel like Mondays is my grounding day
and it's not that counseling is my only
area that I can ground in counseling is
where I look forward to when I need to
vent and when I need to talk or when I
need hope seeing something on a
different light because I know when I go
there it's a safe environment it's safe
to talk to her I know she's someone from
the outside looking in so she'll her
view is different than what my viewer
somebody else close to me is view is and
and that's what I meant when I said that
Monday's is my grounding day so I think
that even I worded my words wrong
because I can ground myself anywhere but
sometimes the talking the communication
the visual
aspect of situations sometimes I can't
see those clearly until I meet with my
counselor and she can paint sometimes
the picture in a different view so that
I can look at it and be like oh that's
what it probably was it wasn't this
because a lot of times and I pretty much
can say probably most humans go to the
negative first before they go to the
positive and that's just I think house
most of us are we're built and so for
somebody to look on the outside in they
can see the situation whatever it is
differently and that makes a big
difference
so anyways it was a really good visit
today that I was able to use my words
and I was able to express my feelings
and express concern but also reach out
and say hey you know can you explain
this to me a little bit differently so I
can understand it you know 100 percent
versus you know not understanding it and
just going along with it because that's
what I'm used to is just saying oh okay
and just I don't ask questions I don't
nothing I just go along with whatever
anybody says and that's it you know and
now I'm learning that it's okay to have
my own words and my own opinions and my
own concerns and even voice them and
know that I'm not gonna make somebody
mad and not you know disappoint somebody
just because I might have a different
view or I might have a different opinion
or understanding so that was a really
good thing today I really felt good I
thought it really empowered me to feel
like I moved a big step today in that
and realizing that I did it that even
made it that much better and then when I
came home today I had a little present
so remember when I reached my 40
pounds I bought a little charm and I put
it on this charm bracelet which this one
says you are loved you're beautiful you
are valued and this one is the one that
my family bought me for my birthday and
I absolutely loved it and so I clipped
it on to that one because I I had
ordered a another one because you can
stack these on your wrist
I had bought another one but it hadn't
come in yet and I wonder where my
40-pounder so I went ahead and just
clipped it onto this and called it good
well today my other bracelet payments I
was so excited yay so this one says she
believed she could so she did and I
bought this one myself and the reason
that I bought this one in the saying
that it says is I believe that I can
he'll I believe that I can get healthy I
believe that I can do everything that I
dream of that I could do and so I'm
going to do it and I am doing it and
with that I put my charm of 40 pounds
cuz that's my first 40 that I believed I
could lose and I did it so my next charm
will be 80 pounds when I meet the 80
pound mark and then you just put them on
your wrist and you can stack them so I
don't know how it's gonna look I don't
know if it's gonna drive me nuts so
we'll see but I was sure excited to see
that come in the mail today I was just
like yay and and these ones are nice
because you can make them smaller but
you can also oh no I have the charm zone
you can stretch it out to make it as big
as you need to to fit your wrist so
that's exciting so anyways I know like I
said today is a smaller vlog day I
didn't really have a lot of content but
I really hope that you guys enjoy today
I'm glad you guys were able to enjoy my
cleaning video and as always take
care i will check in with you guys
bright shiny in the morning and till
then i will see you later
sweet dreams by some what you doin get
in the moment
oh yeah show me some movement
